National Tequila Day? More Like National Distraction Day—Here’s the REAL Agenda Behind Austin’s 'Celebrations'

Folks, they’re at it again. The so-called 'news' wants you to believe that today is 'National Tequila Day.' Oh, how convenient! Just as the deep state puppets in the Austin City Council roll out their latest scheme to turn our beloved barbecue joints into vegan kombucha bars, they dangle a shiny tequila distraction in front of you. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about celebrating agave—it’s about keeping you too tipsy to notice the tofu creeping onto your brisket plate.

And don’t even get me started on the 'surprisingly temperate July' they’re peddling. You think that’s natural? No! That’s geoengineering, folks. The same shadowy elites who want you drinking $18 artisanal margaritas are also controlling the weather to make you complacent. Mark my words: by the time you’re dodging those 'heavy downpours' this weekend, they’ll have already replaced half the live music venues with silent meditation pods.

Now, let’s talk about this 'best new barbecue' nonsense. A Louisiana-inspired joint? In Austin? That’s not barbecue—that’s a Trojan horse for gumbo propaganda. Next thing you know, they’ll be putting crawfish in your tacos and calling it 'fusion.' And don’t even think about those 'free art' events. Free? Nothing’s free, my friends. That’s just a front for the globalist agenda to replace Willie Nelson murals with abstract blobs that 'represent the collective unconscious.'

So while you’re out there 'celebrating' with your slushy margaritas and 'free music,' remember: every bite of brisket you don’t eat is a victory for the soy lobby. Stay vigilant, stay armed (with hot sauce), and for the love of Texas, keep your barbecue traditional—before they replace your ribs with seitan.