National Tequila Day: A Guide to Regret, Poor Decisions, and Questionable Life Choices

Oh, joy. Another day where Austinites can abandon all responsibility and indulge in the sacred ritual of overpriced, watered-down margaritas. National Tequila Day—because nothing says "I respect myself" like slurring your words by 3 p.m. and waking up with a salt-rimmed regret. But fear not, dear citizens of this fine city, for I, Heather Worthington, have taken it upon myself to guide you through this bacchanalian nightmare with the grace and dignity befitting a Westlake mother of three.

First up, Azul Rooftop, where you can pay $24 to stand in a pool while a DJ plays music that will make you question your life choices. Nothing says "classy" like sweating through your linen shirt while strangers splash tequila into your $18 cocktail. And don’t worry about the kids—Black Gold has thoughtfully provided an outdoor playground so your little ones can watch you make poor decisions in real time. Parenting win!

If you’re feeling particularly masochistic, Café Largesse has crafted the El Diablo—a $15 cocktail that promises to be as painful as your last HOA meeting. Smoky, spicy, and citrus-kissed? Sounds like my last encounter with a PTA volunteer who dared to question my fundraising tactics.

Meanwhile, Swim Club is hosting a Dazed and Confused dive-in screening. How fitting—because after a few Pantalones Tequila specials, you too will be reliving your questionable college years, only this time with significantly less hair and more joint pain.

And let’s not forget Uncle Nicky’s, where you can enjoy a Frozen Italian Margarita—because nothing pairs with tequila like the existential dread of realizing you’ve become the kind of person who orders "fusion" cocktails.

So go forth, Austin. Drink your weight in agave. Just remember: when you’re sobbing into your Uber at midnight because you accidentally texted your ex, I’ll be at home, sipping responsibly priced chardonnay and judging you from afar. Cheers!