Teachers Unions Sue Over Paused Funds, Demand Right to Spend Other People’s Money

Oh, the horror! The absolute travesty! Our beloved Texas teachers’ unions are up in arms because—wait for it—they might have to gasp delay ordering new curriculum or, heaven forbid, pause contracts for English language learners. The sheer inhumanity of it all! How will our children survive without another round of academic enrichment seminars? Won’t someone think of the migratory workers’ children? (But only if they’re documented, of course.)

Let’s break this down, shall we? The Texas American Federation for Teachers, a group representing a mere 66,000 school employees (practically a mom-and-pop operation), has joined a lawsuit because the federal government dared to pause $6 billion in funding. That’s right—paused, not canceled. But you’d think the sky was falling from the way these educators are carrying on.

According to the lawsuit, some teachers are at “immediate risk” of losing their jobs. Immediate risk? Darling, have they seen the price of avocado toast these days? That’s a real crisis. And let’s not forget, Texas lawmakers just approved an $8.5 billion bump for public schools. That’s billion with a ‘B.’ But no, apparently, that’s not enough. These people want more. It’s like giving a toddler a cookie, only for them to scream because it’s not the right cookie.

Austin ISD Superintendent Matias Segura even had the audacity to send out a letter warning families that they might have to—brace yourselves—restructure programs. The horror! The indignity! Next thing you know, they’ll be asking parents to volunteer at bake sales. Oh wait, that would require actual effort from the community instead of just whining for more government handouts.

And let’s not overlook the real victims here: the bureaucrats who might have to delay critical teacher training. Because nothing says ‘critical’ like another PowerPoint on ‘inclusive classroom strategies’ while little Brayden and Kayleigh are still struggling to read at grade level.

But fear not, dear readers! The Education Department has graciously decided to release some of the withheld funds—$1.3 billion, to be exact—specifically for after-school programs. Because nothing solves a funding crisis like throwing money at Boys & Girls Clubs. Priorities, people!

In conclusion, if these teachers’ unions really cared about children, they’d stop suing and start selling essential oils like the rest of us suburban moms. Problem solved. You’re welcome.