UGRA Prioritizes Tax Cuts Over Survival in Bold Move to Thin the Herd

In a stunning display of bureaucratic brilliance, the Upper Guadalupe River Authority (UGRA) has once again proven that nothing says "responsible governance" like ignoring flood warnings to save a few bucks. That’s right, folks—while the rest of us were busy worrying about things like "public safety" and "not drowning," the UGRA was laser-focused on the real priority: cutting property taxes. Because who needs a functioning flood warning system when you can shave a whole $0.50 off your annual tax bill?

State lawmakers, in a rare bipartisan moment of collective facepalming, grilled UGRA General Manager Tara Bushnoe for her agency’s pathetically short-sighted decision to let millions sit in reserves while floodwaters rose. But Bushnoe, a true master of deflection, had the perfect excuse: "We followed recommendations!" Ah yes, the classic "we were just following orders" defense—except in this case, the "orders" were vague suggestions from the Texas Sunset Commission, which apparently didn’t explicitly say, "Hey, maybe don’t let people die in preventable floods."

Republican Sen. Paul Bettencourt, the self-proclaimed "property tax guy," was especially outraged—not because children died, but because the UGRA could’ve financed the upgrades for just $31,600 a year. That’s less than the cost of a decent used pickup truck! But no, the UGRA decided that saving literal pennies was more important than, you know, saving lives. Priorities, people!

Meanwhile, Democratic Rep. Ann Johnson had the audacity to bring up history, reminding everyone that the same river killed a bunch of kids in the 1980s. But hey, why learn from past mistakes when you can just cross your fingers and hope for the best? The UGRA’s current strategy seems to be: "If we ignore the problem long enough, maybe the floods will stop happening out of sheer embarrassment."

And let’s not forget the UGRA’s generous $121,000 pledge to the project—a whopping 12% of what was actually needed. That’s like offering to pay for one tire on a car and then acting shocked when it doesn’t drive. But hey, at least they funded some fancy gauges for the National Weather Service! Because nothing says "we care" like outsourcing the actual flood predictions to someone else.

So here we are, with another hearing scheduled for late July—because nothing solves a crisis like more meetings. And if you’re a concerned citizen? Don’t worry, lawmakers will totally listen to your feedback… right after they finish arguing about property taxes. Stay dry, Texas. Or don’t. Apparently, that’s up to you.