Ceiling Fan Etiquette: A Westlake Mom’s Guide to Surviving Summer (and Judging Your Neighbors)

Ah, the great ceiling fan debate—a topic so pressing, so urgent, that it demands the full attention of every Texan who hasn’t already melted into a puddle of sweat and regret. As a proud Westlake mother of three (and self-appointed arbiter of all things proper), I feel it is my civic duty to weigh in on this critical issue. Because, let’s be honest, if my ceiling fan isn’t spinning in the correct direction, how will my neighbors know I’ve mastered the art of home thermodynamics while they’re still struggling with basic blade rotation?

First, let’s address the real tragedy here: the fact that some people still don’t know which way their fan should spin in the summer. Counterclockwise, darling. It’s not just a suggestion—it’s a lifestyle. If your fan is spinning clockwise, you might as well be wearing white after Labor Day or—gasp—serving store-bought hummus at a charity luncheon. Unforgivable.

And while we’re on the subject of keeping cool, let’s talk about the other heat-related atrocities plaguing our homes. Cooking in the oven during peak heat hours? Barbaric. I’ve already organized an email chain to shame anyone in my neighborhood caught committing such an offense. And don’t even get me started on heated dishwasher cycles. If you’re not air-drying your fine china, you’re basically asking for your kitchen to turn into a sauna. (Which, by the way, is only acceptable if it’s a planned spa day, not a byproduct of your poor appliance choices.)

But the pièce de résistance of this whole fan fiasco is the audacity of suggesting we take cooler showers. Excuse me? I’ll have you know my scalding-hot showers are the only thing keeping me sane between PTA meetings and fending off food trucks that dare park within a mile of my subdivision. If the government thinks I’m going to sacrifice my 20-minute steam session just to save energy, they clearly don’t understand the stakes of maintaining my flawless complexion.

In conclusion, if your ceiling fan isn’t spinning counterclockwise, your blinds aren’t drawn with military precision, and your dishwasher isn’t set to eco-mode, you’re not just failing at summer—you’re failing at life. And as someone who once convinced an HOA to ban inflatable lawn decorations (tacky), I know a thing or two about standards. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a manager to speak to about the unacceptable lack of shade at the community pool.