FEMA’s Next-Day Disaster Relief: Because Who Needs Speed When You’ve Got Bureaucracy?

Oh, what a shocker—FEMA took a whole day to respond to a disaster! In other breaking news, water is wet, and the sky is blue. But don’t worry, folks, because Acting FEMA Administrator David Richardson assures us that their response was a "model" of efficiency. That’s right, a full 24-hour delay is now the gold standard. Move over, Amazon Prime—FEMA’s got next-day disaster relief!

Let’s break this down, shall we? The agency, which was supposedly reformed after the Hurricane Katrina debacle (spoiler alert: it wasn’t), somehow managed to fumble yet another crisis. But hey, at least Richardson was on vacation when the floods hit. Priorities, people! Nothing says "emergency management" like sipping margaritas while Texans float away.

And let’s not forget the real heroes here: the states. Because according to President Trump’s playbook, why should the federal government do anything when states can just… figure it out? FEMA’s staff has been slashed by 20%, and now any expenditure over $100,000 requires a personal blessing from Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem. Because nothing says "swift disaster response" like bureaucratic red tape and a side of political grandstanding.

Meanwhile, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, ever the loyal Trump ally, praised the administration as "exceptional partners." That’s one way to spin "we left you to drown for a day." But don’t take my word for it—just ask the former FEMA chief of staff, who pointed out that in past disasters, the agency actually sent help before being asked. Radical concept, I know.

And let’s give a round of applause to Ken Pagurek, the head of FEMA’s Urban Search and Rescue branch, who resigned in protest. Because nothing says "I stand for accountability" like quitting after a decade of watching the agency crumble. But hey, at least he didn’t blame Abbott like some of his colleagues did. Because why take responsibility when you can just play the blame game?

So here’s the takeaway: FEMA is a mess, the federal government is too busy cutting staff and budgets to care, and Texans are left waiting for help while politicians pat themselves on the back. But don’t worry—according to Abbott, they didn’t need the feds until day four anyway. Because who needs search and rescue when you’ve got thoughts and prayers?

Stay vigilant, folks. The deep state might be coming for your barbecue next.