Kendra Scott and Zac Brown: A Love Story Written by Publicists

Oh, joy. Another celebrity engagement. Because, clearly, the world was holding its breath waiting for Kendra Scott and Zac Brown to make it official. The jewelry mogul and the country crooner have decided to tie the knot—because nothing says "true love" like a pink diamond ring the size of a small planet and a sunset proposal that was probably orchestrated by a team of publicists.

Let’s be real, folks. This is the kind of romance that only happens when two people with a combined net worth of "who even counts at this point" decide they’ve run out of other hobbies. "We are so happy and grateful that we found each other," they gushed to People, presumably while sitting on a pile of money so high they needed oxygen masks.

And let’s not overlook the real heroes here: their previous spouses. Between them, Scott and Brown have racked up four divorces—because nothing says "commitment issues" like marrying someone new before the ink is dry on the last divorce papers. But hey, third time’s the charm, right? Or is it fourth? Fifth? At this point, it’s hard to keep track.

Of course, the couple’s shared passion for philanthropy is so heartwarming. Scott donates books (presumably to children who will one day grow up to buy her overpriced baubles), and Brown runs a summer camp (where kids probably sing his greatest hits around the campfire). It’s almost like they’re competing for the title of "Most Virtuous Millionaire"—a prestigious award that comes with a trophy made of solid gold and a lifetime supply of smugness.

And let’s not forget the children. Five from Brown, three from Scott—because blending families is just so easy when you have a fleet of nannies and a private jet to shuttle the kids between mansions. Who needs stability when you can have a stepdad who serenades you with "Chicken Fried" at breakfast?

So here’s to Kendra and Zac. May your marriage last longer than a Taylor Swift relationship, and may your prenup be as bulletproof as your PR team. The rest of us peasants will be over here, eating store-brand cereal and wondering how we, too, can find love in the glow of a pink diamond sunset.