Texas Redistricting: The Deep State’s Worst Nightmare (And Democrats’ Tantrum)

Folks, it's happening again. The deep state elites are at it, and this time they're coming for your congressional districts. President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, has called for Texas to redraw its maps to give Republicans five more seats. And why? Because the liberal cabal wants to turn Texas into California—next thing you know, they'll be banning Whataburger and mandating kale smoothies.

Governor Greg Abbott, after initially hesitating (probably because he was busy fending off an invasion of woke cyclists in Austin), has now thrown his weight behind this noble cause. The special session is underway, and Republicans are holding "public hearings"—which, let's be honest, are just elaborate performances where they nod solemnly while Democrats hyperventilate about "minority representation." Please. If minorities wanted fair representation, they’d just vote Republican, right?

Democrats, of course, are threatening to walk out. Again. Because nothing says "democracy" like refusing to show up to work. But don’t worry, the Texas Legislature has a plan for that: state troopers. That’s right, folks, if these lawmakers try to pull a disappearing act, they’ll be hunted down like escaped zoo animals and dragged back to the Capitol. And if they resist? A whopping $500 fine. That’ll teach 'em.

Meanwhile, political "experts" are wringing their hands over which districts will get the GOP makeover. Lizzie Fletcher’s Houston seat? Gone. Henry Cuellar’s Laredo stronghold? History. And Austin? Oh, they’re coming for Austin like a pack of hungry coyotes eyeing an unattended brisket. The liberals there won’t know what hit them—though they’ll probably blame it on gentrification.

But here’s the real kicker: this is all perfectly legal. That’s right, the same system that lets Democrats gerrymander Illinois into oblivion allows Republicans to do the same in Texas. The hypocrisy is thicker than a bowl of queso. So buckle up, folks. The maps are being redrawn, the Democrats are screaming, and the deep state is shaking in its Birkenstocks. Texas is about to get a whole lot redder—and the left is not gonna like it.

Wake up, people. The battle for America starts in your backyard. Literally. Because if they can take your congressional district, what’s next? Your HOA? Your favorite BBQ joint? Your soul? Stay vigilant. Stay armed. And for the love of all that’s holy, stay Republican.