Trump’s Tariff Tantrum: Texas Prepares to Pay More for Everything (Except Common Sense)

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except for everyone with a functioning brain), President Trump has decided to escalate his trade war with Mexico by threatening to raise tariffs to a staggering 30%. Because nothing says "economic stability" like slapping a tax on avocados that’ll make your guacamole cost more than your rent.

Texas, the state that shares a border longer than Trump’s list of grievances, is now bracing for impact. Importers and exporters, who’ve somehow managed to dodge the full brunt of this trade war circus so far, are now sweating bullets. Dante Galeazzi, CEO of the Texas International Produce Association, described the potential tariff hike as a "game changer." Translation: "We’re all about to get financially body-slammed."

But fear not, fellow patriots! This isn’t just about money—it’s about sending a message. A message that says, "We’ll tax your tomatoes until you bend the knee!" Trump, ever the master negotiator, is using the classic mobster tactic of "pay up or else." And by "else," he means economic chaos that’ll make the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020 look like a minor inconvenience.

Meanwhile, Texas businesses are stuck in the middle, forced to play a high-stakes game of "Who’s Going to Eat This Tariff Cost?" Spoiler: It’s probably you, the consumer. But don’t worry, Governor Greg Abbott’s office assures us this is just a "reset" for global supply chains. Because nothing resets an economy like jacking up prices on everything from watermelons to steel.

And let’s not forget the real victims here: the grocery shoppers who’ll soon be paying $10 for a single lime. But hey, at least we’ll have the satisfaction of knowing Mexico is "coming to the table," as Rep. Tony Gonzales so optimistically put it. Of course, by "coming to the table," he means "being strong-armed into submission."

So buckle up, Texas. The trade war rollercoaster is about to take another wild loop, and the only certainty is that someone’s going to lose—probably you. But hey, at least we’ll all have front-row seats to the spectacle. And if things get really bad, maybe we can just start bartering with Whataburger coupons. It’s the Texan way.

Stay vigilant, folks. The deep state tofu elites are watching. And they’re laughing.