Carnival of Lies: FBI’s Fishy Cruise Ship 'Investigation' Reeks of Deep-State Shenanigans

The FBI’s Latest Maritime Mystery: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruise Ship Cover-Up

Folks, buckle up, because the so-called 'FBI' is at it again—this time, investigating a 'death' on the Carnival Dream cruise ship. That’s right, another 'incident' conveniently swept under the nautical rug by Big Cruise and their deep-state enablers. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t just about some poor soul taking an unexpected dip—this is about control.

First, let’s dissect the cruise line’s hilariously transparent denial: 'There is no investigation about a suspicious death.' Oh, really? Then why are FBI agents crawling all over the ship like seagulls at a shrimp buffet? Why the 'delayed offboarding'? Why the hushed tones and the 'ongoing investigation' nonsense? I’ll tell you why—because Carnival doesn’t want you asking the real questions. Like, was this 'victim' actually a whistleblower? Did they stumble upon the ship’s secret tofu-smuggling operation? Or worse—did they see the captain’s true form? (Spoiler: It’s a lizard.)

And let’s talk about the FBI’s sudden interest in 'maritime jurisdiction.' Since when does the FBI care about 'high seas' unless there’s something they don’t want us to know? Special Agent Matt Pagliarini says it 'depends.' Depends on what, Matt? The phase of the moon? The alignment of the Illuminati’s yacht schedule? This reeks of a classic 'floating false flag' operation—just like when they blamed that 'norovirus outbreak' on bad shrimp, and not the mind-control experiments in the ship’s basement.

Meanwhile, passengers are left in the dark, forced to piece together the truth from 'online forums' (the last bastion of free thought, by the way). Carnival calls these brave truth-seekers 'rumor-spreaders.' Typical. They’d rather you focus on the buffet and the shuffleboard than the fact that their 'Serenity Deck' is anything but serene. Wake up, people! The next time you hear a 3 a.m. 'medical aid' announcement, ask yourself: Medical aid for whom? And from what?

And don’t even get me started on the 'speedy processing of crime scenes.' Oh, how convenient! The evidence 'leaves' with the ship! Almost like someone wants the case to go cold. Almost like… it was planned. Coincidence? I think not. The only thing sinking faster than this investigation is your freedom.

So, as the FBI 'coordinates' with the Coast Guard (read: destroys evidence), remember: The truth is out there. Probably in international waters. Where they can’t be sued. Stay vigilant, patriots. And maybe… don’t book that cruise.