Benefit Concerts or Corporate Back-Patting? Austin’s Flood Relief Circus Rolls On

Oh, joy. Another round of benefit concerts where the rich and famous get to pat themselves on the back for "helping" while the rest of us wonder if our rent will be paid next month. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good flood—nothing like a natural disaster to remind us all that capitalism is a sinking ship. But let’s be real: these shows are just an excuse for Miranda Lambert to sell more merch and for Lyle Lovett to remind us he still exists.

First up, we’ve got "A Night of Beauty for the Heart of Texas," which sounds like a corporate retreat masquerading as charity. Light snacks and beverages? Wow, how generous. Nothing says "solidarity" like a lukewarm can of Still Austin whiskey and some sad poetry. Meanwhile, the real heroes—the punks at Kick Butt Coffee—are throwing down with actual grit: $10 at the door, no frills, just loud music and probably a fistfight or two. That’s how you do a benefit.

And then there’s the Moody Center spectacle, where Kelly Clarkson and Matthew McConaughey will undoubtedly cry onstage about "Texas pride" while charging $200 a ticket. Spoiler alert: the only thing getting rebuilt is their egos. Meanwhile, the rest of us are out here duct-taping our roofs together and praying the landlord doesn’t notice.

But hey, at least the Mohawk’s got DAIISTAR and some burgers. That’s something. Maybe if we’re lucky, the floodwaters will wash away the condos next. Keep Austin DIY, y’all. The rest is just noise.

P.S. If you really want to help, skip the show and Venmo your local punk house. They’ll put it to better use.