Bureaucrats Talk, Survivors Wait: The Texas Flood Hearing Circus

Oh, what a surprise—Texas lawmakers are holding yet another hearing where they’ll pretend to listen to the people while actually just letting bureaucrats drone on for hours before anyone with actual suffering gets a word in. Classic government efficiency at its finest!

More than two dozen 'experts'—because, as we all know, government-appointed 'experts' are always the most trustworthy—will take the stage first. That way, by the time the flood survivors finally get their three-minute window to speak, everyone in the room will either be asleep or plotting their escape.

And let’s not forget the real stars of the show: the local officials who apparently couldn’t coordinate their way out of a wet paper bag. Texts reveal that Kerrville’s city manager was basically screaming into the void while the county judge was MIA. But hey, at least they lowered property taxes instead of upgrading the flood warning system! Priorities, people.

Meanwhile, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick promised residents they’d be heard—right after the 12-hour bureaucratic monologue, of course. Because nothing says 'we care' like making traumatized families sit through a full workday of government jargon before they can beg for help.

And let’s give a round of applause to the Upper Guadalupe River Authority, who decided that modernizing flood warnings was less important than… well, whatever they spent that money on instead. Maybe a nice office party?

So grab your popcorn, folks. The hearing starts at 9:30 a.m., but the real entertainment begins when the public finally gets to speak—right around the time everyone’s patience has officially drowned.

Wake up, sheeple! The government isn’t here to help—it’s here to hold meetings about helping. Big difference.