Texas Senate Plays *Hunger Games* with Election Fraud Powers

In a stunning display of what can only be described as totally not rigged democracy, the Texas Senate is gearing up to vote on a bill that would give the Attorney General’s office even more power to hunt down the elusive, ever-scheming specter of election fraud. And who better to vote on this than three senators who are coincidentally running for that very office? It’s like letting a fox vote on whether the henhouse should have a self-service buffet.

Senators Joan Huffman, Nathan Johnson, and Mayes Middleton—two Republicans and a Democrat, because bipartisanship is alive and well when it comes to power grabs—are set to cast their votes on SB 11, a bill that would let the AG’s office prosecute election crimes without needing pesky things like local prosecutors to ask for help. Because nothing says justice like cutting out the middleman and letting the state’s top cop go full Judge Dredd on voter fraud allegations.

Legal experts, those notorious buzzkills, say there’s technically no law stopping these senators from voting on a bill that could directly benefit their future careers. Ethics attorney Ross Fischer, clearly a man who’s never been to a Texas political fundraiser, insists that since they’re not personally getting richer (yet), it’s all above board. Sure, Ross. And I suppose the Tooth Fairy audits her own taxes too.

Meanwhile, AG Ken Paxton—who’s busy trying to primary John Cornyn because one political knife fight wasn’t enough—has been aggressively pursuing election fraud cases despite a 2021 court ruling that said, Hey, maybe you should let local DAs handle this? Undeterred, Paxton did what any self-respecting politician would do: he got the judges who ruled against him voted out. Democracy in action, folks.

Now, SB 11 is back, and if passed, it’ll let the AG’s office swoop in like a bureaucratic Batman whenever they feel like election fraud is afoot. Critics (read: woke liberals) say this could lead to voter intimidation, especially in Latino communities. But come on—since when has intimidation ever stopped Texas from doing what it wants?

Huffman and Middleton, both running on election integrity platforms (code for we will find fraud even if we have to invent it), are predictably all for this. Johnson, the lone Democrat, voted against it last time—probably because he hasn’t gotten the memo that bipartisanship means agreeing with Republicans.

Political lawyer Andy Cates called this a gray area within a gray area, which is lawyer-speak for technically legal but smells like week-old brisket. The Texas Constitution says lawmakers can’t vote on bills where they have a personal interest, but apparently, wanting a more powerful job doesn’t count. Who knew?

So, will the voters care? Probably not. Texans have long accepted that their politicians operate in a moral gray zone roughly the size of West Texas. As ethics attorney Ross Fischer so wisely put it, the voters will decide. And if history is any guide, they’ll decide based on who yells ELECTION FRAUD the loudest.

Wake up, sheeple. The system isn’t broken—it’s working exactly as designed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go stock up on tinfoil. The deep state is probably spiking my barbecue sauce with tofu again.

READ MORE: How to Build a Bunker for Under $500 (Because They’re Coming for Your Vote Next)

—Alex Jaxon, reporting from the truth bunker in South Austin