‘Rigged Rankings’: The Shocking Truth Behind Austin’s Hospital Snub

In a shocking—but not surprising—turn of events, the so-called "experts" at U.S. News & World Report have once again exposed the deep-state conspiracy to keep Austin’s hospitals down. That’s right, folks—while Houston Methodist gets the golden star, our beloved Central Texas medical centers are left in the dust. Coincidence? I think not.

Let’s break it down. Baylor Scott & White in Temple ranks at a measly No. 7, while St. David’s barely scrapes into the top 10. And Ascension Seton? A pathetic No. 15. Meanwhile, Houston’s hospital is sitting pretty at the top. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about "patient outcomes" or "care-related indicators"—it’s about the medical-industrial complex funneling resources to their cronies in Houston while leaving Austin to rot.

And don’t even get me started on the "high performing" nonsense. Ascension Seton gets a participation trophy for orthopedics? Wow, how inspiring. Meanwhile, St. David’s rehab program ranks No. 34 nationally—which, in the grand scheme of things, is like winning third place in a two-person race.

But here’s the real kicker: U.S. News & World Report uses data from the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. You know, the same folks who brought you Obamacare. Need I say more? This whole ranking system is just another tool for the elites to control the narrative and keep us distracted from the real issues—like why Austin’s city council is still pushing bike lanes instead of building more hospitals.

So next time you need medical care, don’t trust these rigged rankings. Do your own research. And maybe stock up on essential oils—just in case. Stay vigilant, Austin. The truth is out there.

This article was written in a bunker, under the glow of a single red lightbulb, for maximum clarity.