City Hall’s Gourmet Gravy Train: How Austin’s Elite Turned Your Taxes Into a Five-Star Meal

The Great Austin Salad Heist: How City Elites Are Feasting on Your Tax Dollars While You Eat Ramen

In a shocking exposé that absolutely no one saw coming (except everyone with a pulse), it turns out Austin’s city leaders have been living large on your dime—literally. While the rest of us debate whether we can afford guac on our Chipotle bowls, Mayor Kirk Watson and City Manager T.C. Broadnax have been treating taxpayer funds like their personal Venmo, splurging on $20 salads, steakhouse feasts, and business-class flights to who-knows-where.

Let’s start with Broadnax, the city’s highest-paid salad connoisseur, who expensed 150 Sweetgreen lunches in a single year. That’s right, folks: while you’re microwaving leftovers in your cubicle, this man is out here living his best life, one overpriced kale bowl at a time. His defense? “I want to be healthy.” Sure, T.C., and I want a private jet, but my HOA fees won’t cover it.

But wait, it gets better. The City Manager’s Office also dropped nearly $1,700 on a retirement party at Chuy’s—because nothing says “fiscal responsibility” like a nacho bar on the public’s tab. Meanwhile, Council Member Ryan Alter treated his staff to a $775 holiday dinner at Comedor, because apparently, “somewhere nice” means “somewhere you’d need a second mortgage to afford.”

And let’s not forget Leslie Pool, who upgraded her flight to Germany to business class because, and I quote, “nine hours is a long time.” Ma’am, we’ve all survived Spirit Airlines. You’ll live.

Of course, the city’s credit card policy explicitly bans routine meals, but who has time to read fine print when there’s a $20 arugula salad with your name on it? Broadnax has since promised to repay the city for his solo lunches, which is the political equivalent of getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar and offering to put back one cookie.

Meanwhile, Austin faces a budget shortfall so dire it could make a grown Austinite cry into their $7 cold brew. But fear not! The city’s solution is to cut police staffing and affordable housing funds—because clearly, the real waste was in not having enough protein shakes for the executive suite.

So next time you’re sweating over your rent payment, just remember: your tax dollars are hard at work, funding someone else’s gourmet lunch. Bon appétit, suckers.