EXCLUSIVE: Tarantula 'Mating Season' Is a Deep State Distraction—Here’s the REAL Agenda

The Great Tarantula Invasion: A Deep State Plot to Distract Us from the Truth

Folks, it's happening again. The so-called 'experts' want you to believe that thousands of tarantulas are just 'mating' across Texas. Mating? Really? That's what they want you to think. Wake up, sheeple! This is clearly a coordinated attack by the globalist elites to keep us distracted while they replace our beloved Whataburger with cricket protein patties.

First, they told us the tarantulas were 'harmless.' Oh, sure, just like the 'harmless' vaccines, right? These eight-legged freaks are crawling out of their burrows in 'hordes,' according to the very same scientists who swore masks would protect us. Coincidence? I think not. And why now? Because they know we're onto them. The deep state is deploying these fuzzy assassins to keep us from asking the real questions—like why Austin’s city council suddenly wants to ban charcoal grills.

And let’s talk about their so-called 'mating season.' May through July? That’s awfully convenient, isn’t it? Right when patriotic Texans are gearing up for Fourth of July barbecues. These tarantulas aren’t looking for love—they’re looking for your freedom. They’re being trained to crawl into your coolers and sabotage your brisket. Mark my words, by Labor Day, we’ll all be eating lab-grown 'spider-friendly' tofu.

But here’s the kicker: they’re telling you to 'gently boop' the tarantulas with a stick. Boop? BOOP? That’s exactly what a brainwashed NPC would say. You think a light tickle will stop a government-funded arachnid death squad? These things are probably microchipped. Next thing you know, they’ll be voting in local elections.

So stay vigilant, my fellow truth-seekers. If you see a tarantula 'crossing the road,' it’s not looking for a mate—it’s looking for your data. Grab your tinfoil hats, stock up on ammo, and for the love of liberty, don’t let them near your barbecue pit. The deep state may have the tarantulas, but we’ve got the truth. And maybe a flamethrower.

Stay woke, Texas. The spiders are watching.