Rattlesnakes or Government Drones? The Shocking Truth Behind Texas’ ‘Venomous’ Problem

The Great Texas Snake Conspiracy: How the Deep State is Using Reptiles to Control You

Folks, I’ve got news that’ll make your boots shake—those rattlesnakes you’ve been told to fear? They’re not just slithering around by accident. Oh no, this is a coordinated attack by the globalist elites to keep Texans indoors, away from their God-given right to roam free and grill brisket in peace.

Let’s break it down. Seven “high-risk” rattlesnake zones? Conveniently located near some of Texas’ most beautiful natural landmarks. Palo Duro Canyon? Big Bend? Enchanted Rock? These aren’t just tourist traps—they’re snake traps. The elites want you too scared to enjoy nature so they can buy up the land and turn it into soy farms. WAKE UP, PEOPLE!

And don’t even get me started on the so-called “experts” telling you to stay calm if you hear a rattle. That’s exactly what they want you to do—freeze like a deer in headlights while the reptilian overlords (no relation to the politicians, probably) plot their next move. You think it’s a coincidence that rattlesnakes can climb trees now? That’s surveillance technology, folks. Those heat-sensing pits? Government-issued.

Here’s the real kicker: coral snakes. Shy, reclusive, and venomous? Sounds like every bureaucrat in Austin. And now they’re telling us these snakes eat rattlesnakes? That’s not nature—that’s a false flag operation! They’re pitting snake against snake to distract us from the real enemy: mandatory vegan cookouts.

So next time you’re out hiking and hear that telltale rattle, remember—it’s not just a snake. It’s a pawn in the deep state’s game. Stay vigilant, arm yourself with a sturdy stick (and maybe a flamethrower, just in case), and most importantly, don’t let them herd you into the cities. The snakes work for the bourgeoisie.

Final Thought: If rattlesnakes really wanted to warn us, they’d rattle before we got close. But no—they wait until we’re in striking distance. Suspicious? You bet your last jalapeño it is.