"Bruise Check" or Bad Cop Bingo? Cedar Park Officer’s Creative Interpretation of Police Work

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming—except maybe everyone who’s ever watched a cop drama—a Cedar Park officer has been charged with sexual assault after allegedly turning a routine disturbance call into his own personal episode of Law & Order: SVU (Suspect’s Very Unwanted Advances Edition).

Officer Keco Motton, a seasoned veteran of 11 years, apparently decided that the best way to serve and protect was to ask a woman to take photos of her thigh injuries, because nothing says "public servant" like demanding nudes under the guise of police work. According to the affidavit, things escalated faster than a Tesla on autopilot when Motton followed the victim to a business, locked the door (classic horror movie move), and suggested a bathroom "bruise check." Because, as we all know, the most medically sound place to examine injuries is a public restroom with a cop who’s way too invested in your personal space.

Police Chief Mike Harmon, in a statement that could’ve been ripped straight from a PR damage control manual, solemnly declared that the department "takes allegations of sexual assault seriously." Well, Chief, that’s reassuring, but maybe next time take the allegations seriously before your officer turns a park meetup into a true-crime podcast episode.

Motton, now unemployed (but probably not for lack of trying to spin this as "community outreach"), joins the illustrious ranks of cops who’ve tragically misunderstood the phrase "protect and serve." Meanwhile, Cedar Park residents are left wondering if their local PD’s "guiding values of community, empathy, accountability, and honor" come with a side of mandatory HR training—or at least a refresher on basic human decency.

Stay vigilant, folks. And maybe invest in a doorbell camera. Or a taser. Or both.