"Protect and Serve? More Like Protect and Swerve: Cedar Park PD’s Latest Scandal Will Make You Want to Defund the Cops Yourself"

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming—except for everyone with a functioning brain—the Cedar Park Police Department has once again proven that their hiring process is about as rigorous as a participation trophy. Officer Keco Motton, a man who somehow managed to be named "Officer of the Year" while allegedly moonlighting as a serial predator, has left the department with more red flags than a Communist parade.

Let’s break this down, folks. Here’s a guy who, according to multiple women, treated his badge like a VIP pass to assault town. And what did the department do? Well, they did what any self-respecting bureaucracy would do: they ignored it, shrugged, and probably high-fived each other for another day of "protecting and serving"—themselves.

One victim, a mother of three, reported Motton after he allegedly assaulted her during a dog bite call. You’d think that would be enough to get him off the streets, right? Wrong. The department’s response was basically, "File a complaint, sweetheart, and we’ll get right on that... after donut hour." Meanwhile, Motton was out there writing traffic tickets like he wasn’t already the subject of multiple sexual assault allegations. Priorities, people!

Then there’s the park incident. This guy allegedly lured a woman under the guise of returning her driver’s license—because nothing says "trust me" like a cop who steals your ID and then invites you to a secluded area. Classic rom-com meet-cute, right? Except instead of flowers, he allegedly gave her trauma. And even then, it took the Texas Rangers to step in before Cedar PD finally went, "Oh, maybe we should do something about this."

But here’s the real kicker: after all this, the department had the audacity to say they "take all allegations of sexual assault very seriously." Seriously? Seriously?! You took it so seriously that you let him keep his badge until he was literally arrested. And even then, it wasn’t the department that acted—it was the Rangers. Cedar Park PD’s idea of "accountability" is apparently just waiting for someone else to clean up their mess.

And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance: the special Texas legislative session where lawmakers are considering making it even harder for the public to find out about these kinds of investigations. Because nothing says "transparency" like burying the evidence deeper than Motton’s moral compass.

So here’s the takeaway, folks. If you’re ever in Cedar Park and need help, maybe just call a Uber. At least they’ll only overcharge you—not assault you. And remember, when the police say "we’re here to help," what they really mean is "we’re here to help ourselves." Wake up, sheeple! The badges aren’t the only thing that’s blue—it’s the justice system too.

Mic drop.