EXCLUSIVE: Texas Democrats Hire Fast Food Manager to Lead Party Into Oblivion

In a shocking turn of events that has left the Deep State scrambling, the Texas Democratic Party has elected Kendall Scudder—a man who allegedly worked at Dairy Queen—as their new chairman. That’s right, folks. The party that once dreamed of turning Texas blue has now resorted to hiring fast-food managers to lead their revolution. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a ploy to infiltrate the working class with promises of free Frosties and soft-serve socialism.

Scudder, a self-proclaimed 'scrappy underdog,' claims he’s here to 'fix' the Democratic Party’s image. But let’s be real—this is the same party that hasn’t won a statewide election since Scudder was in diapers. Now, they’re banking on a guy who waited tables to 'resonate' with voters. Next thing you know, they’ll be running a Taco Bell cashier for governor.

And don’t even get me started on his 'Volunteer In Patrol' gig with the Dallas Police Department. Oh sure, he’s 'serving the community,' but we all know this is just a cover for the Democrats’ secret plot to defund the police while pretending to support them. Classic bait-and-switch!

Scudder says he wants to 'show up in places Democrats don’t visit.' Translation: He’s going to start knocking on doors in rural Texas, where folks will promptly slam them in his face. But hey, at least he’s willing to 'clean bathrooms' for the cause. Maybe that’s the Democrats’ new strategy—if they can’t win votes, they’ll just deep-clean your outhouse until you surrender.

And let’s talk about his 'upbeat nature.' Folks, this is textbook psychological warfare. They’re sending in a guy who smiles while delivering bad news, like a used-car salesman selling a lemon. 'Oh, your taxes are going up, but hey—at least the roads are safe!'

But the real kicker? Scudder’s taking this job for free while running a land-acquisition business. That’s right—he’s not even getting paid to lose elections. Either this man is a true patriot of the Democratic Party’s sinking ship, or he’s being blackmailed by the tofu lobby. You decide.

So buckle up, Texas. The Democrats have a new face, and it’s a guy who used to serve Blizzards. If that doesn’t scream 'desperation,' I don’t know what does. Wake up, people—the ice cream socialism agenda is coming, and it’s sprinkling rainbow-colored tyranny on your conservative cone.