Texas House Speaker Race: The Hunger Games, But With More Yelling

The Texas House is on the brink of collapse, folks, and I’m not talking about the structural integrity of the Capitol building—though, let’s be honest, with all the hot air in there, it’s a miracle the roof hasn’t blown off yet. No, I’m talking about the impending doom of the 2025 legislative session, where our esteemed representatives might just turn the House floor into a WWE Royal Rumble match.

Picture this: Instead of the usual backslaps and forced smiles, we’ve got backstabbing and whispered threats. Instead of bipartisan unity, we’ve got factions forming like middle school cliques—except with more power and worse fashion sense. And at the center of it all? A gavel-wielding Jane Nelson, the Secretary of State, who’s probably wondering why she left the Senate for this circus.

Now, let’s talk about the real victims here: the spouses and kids dragged to this disaster. Imagine little Timmy, wide-eyed and innocent, watching as Uncle Dustin and Cousin David duke it out for the Speaker’s chair. “Mommy, why is that man crying?” “Because democracy is broken, sweetie.”

And let’s not forget the Democrats, lurking in the shadows like raccoons at a barbecue, waiting to scavenge whatever scraps of power the Republicans drop in their infighting. Will they pounce? Or will they just post about it on social media and call it a win?

Here’s the bottom line: If the Texas House can’t pick a Speaker, we might as well replace the Capitol with a reality TV set. ‘Survivor: Austin’—who will outlast, outmaneuver, and out-yell their way to victory? Tune in January 14th to find out. And remember, folks, this isn’t governance—it’s entertainment.

Wake up, sheeple! The deep state is probably behind this too, just to distract us from the real issues—like why they’re still trying to take our gas stoves. Stay vigilant.