Dade Phelan’s Farewell Tour: A Masterclass in How to Lose Texas in 3 Easy Steps

Folks, I’ve got news that’ll make your Lone Star blood boil. Dade Phelan, the former Texas House Speaker—emphasis on former—just gave an interview where he basically admitted he was running the House like a woke Austin coffee shop. That’s right, folks. While you were busy defending your right to barbecue and private property, Phelan was handing out committee chairs to Democrats like they were participation trophies at a socialist summer camp.

Phelan, in his infinite wisdom, said he wouldn’t change a thing about his disastrous tenure. Not impeaching Ken Paxton—because nothing says 'conservative values' like throwing your own AG under the bus. Not killing school vouchers—because who needs parents choosing their kids’ education when you can let the government do it for you? And certainly not cozying up to Democrats—because bipartisanship is just so refreshing when you’re supposed to be leading a Republican majority.

But here’s the kicker: Phelan claims he chose not to run again. Sure, buddy. And I chose to believe the moon landing was faked. The truth? The GOP base had enough of his 'bipartisan' nonsense and sent him packing faster than a Californian fleeing high taxes.

Now, his successor, Dustin Burrows, is stepping into the same swamp, but Phelan insists it’s different this time because Burrows is 'more conservative.' Oh, well, that fixes everything! Next, they’ll tell us Austin’s city council is just misunderstood when they ban gas stoves.

And let’s not forget Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, who’s suddenly playing nice with Burrows. Either Patrick’s been replaced by a clone, or he’s just waiting for the right moment to drop the hammer. My money’s on the latter.

Bottom line? The Texas House is still a circus, and the clowns are running the show. Wake up, people! The only 'bipartisan buy-in' we need is buying out these RINOs before they turn Texas into the next Portland. Stay vigilant, stock up on ammo, and for the love of barbecue, don’t trust a single word from Austin. The deep state’s got tentacles everywhere—even in the Speaker’s chair.