Luby’s ‘Café’ Is a Crime Against Humanity (And Also Against Fried Fish)

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the culinary elite, Luby’s—the bastion of Texas comfort food—has dared to open a café in downtown Austin. Yes, you read that correctly. A café. Not a full-sized temple of fried fish and Jell-O salads, but a cozy little outpost nestled inside a government building. The audacity.

Now, before you clutch your pearls (or your LuAnn Platter), rest assured: this microscopic Luby’s still offers the full menu. Because nothing says "intimate café experience" like a tray piled high with mac & cheese, green beans, and a square of cornbread that could double as a paperweight.

But let’s address the real scandal here: the hours. Open only on weekdays? Closing at 3 p.m.? What about the after-work crowd desperate for their fried okra fix? What about the late-night bureaucrats craving a slab of meatloaf under the fluorescent glow of the Ned Granger Administration Building? This is an outrage. A travesty. A crime against the people who need their creamed spinach at all hours.

And let’s not overlook the location. A government building? Really? Are we to believe that our elected officials are fueling their legislative decisions with Luby’s square fish? Is this how laws get passed now? "Senator, before we vote on this bill, let’s discuss the merits of the Luanne Platter versus the Senior Special."

Meanwhile, Houston still boasts eleven Luby’s, because of course it does. San Antonio has five, because they understand the importance of accessibility when it comes to cafeteria-style dining. But Austin? We get a café. A weekday-only café. It’s almost as if Luby’s is daring us to revolt.

So mark your calendars, Austinites. Set your alarms for 2:45 p.m. to beat the lunch rush. And pray—pray—that one day, we too might be worthy of a Luby’s that stays open past sunset. Until then, we’ll just have to make do with our artisanal taco trucks and overpriced avocado toast. The horror.