Nonprofit Discovers Viral Fame Is as Sustainable as a Crypto Startup’s Business Model

In a shocking turn of events that no one could have predicted—except literally everyone—an Austin nonprofit is still struggling to stay afloat despite a fleeting moment of viral fame. Safe in Austin Rescue Ranch, a sanctuary for abused animals and children, recently resurfaced on TikTok, proving once again that the internet has the attention span of a goldfish on Adderall.

Four years after their Queer Eye feature—which, let’s be honest, was basically their Avengers: Endgame moment—donations have dried up faster than a puddle in a Texas summer. The TikTok plea from @thebarnmaidstale, a volunteer who probably spends more time shoveling animal poop than most of us spend doomscrolling, has managed to rack up a whopping 30,000 likes. That’s roughly 29,999 more likes than your average LinkedIn post about "synergy," yet somehow still not enough to keep the lights on.

Founder Jamie Wallace-Griner, who apparently runs on pure altruism and Insta-worthy quotes ("Love shouldn’t cost a thing. Unfortunately, everything else does."), is now facing the harsh reality that even the most heartwarming stories can’t compete with the algorithmic tyranny of dance trends and ASMR mukbangs. The ranch, which pairs traumatized animals with traumatized kids in what sounds like the plot of a Hallmark movie directed by Tim Burton, is now at risk of canceling its second annual gala—a tragedy on par with Fyre Festival, but with fewer influencers and more goats in therapy vests.

For those looking to help (and let’s be real, you probably won’t), Safe in Austin has graciously provided multiple ways to donate, including PayPal, Venmo, and an Amazon wish list. Because nothing says "charity" like adding a 50-pound bag of dog food to your cart alongside your fourth unnecessary LED strip light.

So, if you’ve got a spare $5 after your daily oat milk latte and crypto gamble, consider tossing it their way. Or don’t. The internet will just move on to the next viral sob story anyway—probably a TikTok about a depressed robot or a billionaire’s pet rock. Priorities, people.