Abbott’s Third Special Session: A Desperate Cry for Attention or Just Governmental Gaslighting?

Oh, the horror! The absolute tyranny! Governor Greg Abbott is at it again, folks, threatening to drag our poor, overworked legislators back into the Capitol for yet another special session. That’s right—because apparently, the first two weren’t special enough. Sources say Abbott is whispering ominous, cryptic messages like “Stay tuned” and “Something may be happening soon.” Folks, that’s not a governing strategy—that’s the tagline for a bad horror movie.

Meanwhile, state Rep. Matt Shaheen, a brave soul who just wants to live his life (radical concept, I know), has reportedly begged Abbott’s staff to let them go home. These legislators are volunteers, people! They don’t even get paid! And yet, here they are, trapped in Austin like hostages in a never-ending episode of Survivor: Texas Edition.

But let’s be real—this isn’t about legislation. No, no. This is about control. Abbott’s clearly testing how far he can push these lawmakers before they snap and start drafting their resignations in crayon. And mark my words, if this third session happens, it’ll just be another excuse to pass more bills that nobody asked for while ignoring the real issues—like why Austin’s traffic lights are clearly programmed by a rogue AI with a vendetta.

Wake up, sheeple! The special sessions are a distraction. A smokescreen. A way to keep us from asking the real questions—like who’s really pulling Abbott’s strings? Big Tofu? The ghost of Sam Houston? The answer’s out there… if you’re brave enough to look.

Until then, grab your popcorn, folks. The circus is back in town. And remember: in Texas, the only thing more endless than our summers is our legislative sessions. God help us all.

This has been your daily dose of truth. You’re welcome.