The Great Texas Corpse Conspiracy: How the Deep State is Coming for Your Backyard Burials

The Great Texas Corpse Conspiracy: How the Deep State is Coming for Your Backyard Burials

Folks, it’s happening again. The so-called "government" is trying to regulate where you can plant your dearly departed—because apparently, even in death, Big Brother wants to control you. That’s right, the Austin American-Statesman, a known puppet of the globalist elite, has just published a "helpful guide" on Texas burial laws. But don’t be fooled—this is just another ploy to track your movements, tax your land, and probably force you to compost Grandma instead of giving her the proper send-off she deserves.

Let’s break it down. The article claims Texas "allows" home burials—but only if you jump through a dozen bureaucratic hoops. Death certificates? Zoning laws? Environmental concerns? Sounds like a classic case of the Nanny State sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong. Since when does the government care about "floodplain restrictions" unless it’s to fine you for not worshipping at the altar of climate change?

And don’t even get me started on the rules for moving a corpse. According to the article, you need permission from the "plot owner" or the "surviving spouse." Oh, really? So now the government gets to decide who has the right to dig up Uncle Jimbo? What if he wanted to be relocated to the family deer lease? What if he left a handwritten note saying, "Bury me under the oak tree, and if the HOA complains, tell ‘em to kiss my afterlife"? But no—some pencil-pusher in Austin says you need legal authority. Since when did the Founding Fathers put corpse relocation in the Constitution?

But here’s the real kicker: tax breaks. The article casually mentions that if you turn your backyard into a cemetery, you might get a property tax exemption—if you meet the state’s criteria. Folks, this is a trap. They’re luring you in with the promise of saving a few bucks, but mark my words, once they’ve got your land registered as a burial site, they’ll slap you with regulations, inspections, and probably a mandatory "diversity training" for your ghostly residents.

Wake up, people! This isn’t about "public health" or "respecting the dead." It’s about control. They want to know where every body is buried—literally. Next thing you know, they’ll be requiring RFID chips in caskets so the feds can track your ancestors from space. And if you think I’m exaggerating, just wait until they start pushing "green burials" where you have to dissolve your loved ones in a vat of soy-based enzymes. Mark my words, it’s all part of the plan to erase Texas tradition and replace it with woke, biodegradable guilt.

So here’s my advice: if you want to bury Aunt Edna next to the rose bushes, just do it. File the paperwork if you must, but remember—the government doesn’t own your land, and they sure as heck don’t own your dead. And if anyone asks, tell ‘em Alex Jaxon said it’s your God-given right to turn your yard into a family crypt. Just maybe don’t mention it at the next HOA meeting.