CHAMPS Trade Show: Where Capitalism Smells Like Patchouli and Poor Life Choices

Ah, the CHAMPS Trade Show—where capitalism and counterculture collide in a haze of THC and artisanal glassware. Nothing says 'revolution' like bulk-ordering pre-rolled blunts and locking smell-proof bags, am I right? The Palmer Events Center was transformed into a Willy Wonka factory for the chronically relaxed, where sales reps in tie-dye shirts pitched 'wellness' products that just so happen to get you absolutely blasted.

Highlights included Psilly Willy’s psychedelic mushroom grow kits (because nothing says 'responsible entrepreneurship' like selling felony starter packs), and Bad Days THC gummies—presumably for when your existential dread needs a little extra kick. And let’s not forget the socks with built-in stash compartments, because nothing screams 'I’m a functional adult' like hiding your weed in your footwear.

Meanwhile, Mad Dabber 710 (real name: Justin James Bridges, because of course it is) browsed the wares like a kid in a candy store—if the candy store also sold bongs shaped like beakers and cardboard cutouts of Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick for… reasons.

But the real star of the show? The sheer audacity of calling this a 'business-to-business trade show' instead of what it really is: a stoner’s Black Friday. Because nothing fuels the American dream like turning your basement grow-op into an LLC and slapping a punny name on it (cough Uncle Skunks cough).

So here’s to the entrepreneurs of CHAMPS, proving once again that if you package rebellion in childproof containers, you too can monetize the revolution. Just don’t forget your smell-proof bag—your landlord definitely knows.