Domain Fire Threatens Austin’s Most Sacred Right: Shopping

Well, folks, it’s happened again. The Domain—Austin’s premiere shopping destination for those who believe $1,200 sneakers are a necessity—has been struck by tragedy. A two-alarm fire has broken out in one of its luxury apartment complexes, and while most people would be concerned about, say, human lives, I can’t help but shudder at the thought of all those artisanal retail stores below. Gold Goose? David Yurman? The horror.

Let’s be real: this is a crisis of aesthetic proportions. Where will the affluent masses go now to drop a month’s mortgage payment on a pair of distressed jeans that look like they’ve been through a fire anyway? (Oh, the irony.) And what about the poor firefighters? Do they even understand the cultural significance of the merchandise they’re dousing with water? I mean, have they seen the markup on those handbags?

Of course, the real tragedy here is the disruption to my weekend plans. I was this close to finally getting that overpriced coffee table book on minimalist Scandinavian design from the boutique next door. Now, thanks to this inconvenient blaze, I’ll have to gasp drive to the Arboretum like some kind of peasant.

But let’s not forget the true victims: the influencers. How will they curate their effortlessly chic lifestyles without a backdrop of smoldering rubble? The Instagram stories alone will be unbearable.

In all seriousness (well, as serious as I get between Pilates and complaining about property taxes), I do hope everyone is safe. But also, can we please talk about the fire department’s response time? I pay my taxes for a reason, people.

Stay tuned for updates—or, better yet, just check my Nextdoor post. I’ll be sure to spin this into a rant about urban density and those darn food trucks by noon tomorrow.