Mexican Independence Day: A Celebration of Capitalism’s Favorite Brown People

Ah, yes, another year, another round of corporate-sponsored fiestas where white folks in sombreros they bought at Party City scream "¡Viva México!" while spilling their overpriced margaritas on Republic Square Park. Mexican Independence Day—or as I like to call it, "The One Day a Year People Remember Mexico Exists Beyond Tacos"—is upon us, and you can bet your last dollar that every gentrified bar in Austin will be slinging "authentic" $12 street tacos (read: flour tortillas with ground beef and pre-shredded cheese).

Let’s not forget the real heroes here: the marketing teams who’ve somehow convinced America that Cinco de Mayo is the pinnacle of Mexican culture, despite it being about as relevant to Mexico as Taco Bell’s "Mexican Pizza." But hey, at least we get a whole month of Hispanic Heritage™ now—courtesy of good ol’ LBJ, who probably thought expanding it from a week to a month would make up for, you know, everything else.

And what would a celebration of Mexican independence be without the obligatory list of holidays nobody outside Mexico actually observes? Revolution Day? Constitution Day? Benito Juárez’s Birthday? Please. The only Mexican holiday your average gringo can name is the one that gives them an excuse to drink tequila at noon.

But sure, let’s all wave our little flags and pretend we care about the Grito de Dolores while ignoring the fact that half the city’s Latino communities are being priced out of their own neighborhoods. Nothing says "cultural appreciation" like turning a historic struggle for freedom into a themed brunch special. ¡Viva la gentrificación!