Travis County’s 9% Tax Hike: A Love Letter to Bureaucratic Extortion

As a proud Travis County homeowner (and by homeowner, I mean someone who pays an exorbitant mortgage to live in a house that’s technically owned by the bank), I was absolutely thrilled to learn that my property taxes are increasing by a mere 9.12%. Finally, a government entity that understands my desperate need to contribute more to the bureaucratic black hole we call "reserves."

Let’s be real—what’s an extra $200 a year? That’s just one less artisanal avocado toast brunch per month. And sure, some might argue that this is "unfair" or "government overreach," but those people clearly don’t understand the luxury of funding disaster preparedness. I, for one, sleep better knowing that my hard-earned dollars are being stockpiled for the next time Austin’s drainage system fails spectacularly.

And let’s not forget the real victims here: the county commissioners who had to make this tough decision without voter approval. Imagine the emotional toll of bypassing democracy to squeeze more money from already overburdened taxpayers. My heart aches for them.

But don’t worry, fellow residents—if you’re upset, you can always vent on social media, where your outrage will be promptly ignored by the very officials who imposed this hike. Or, if you’re feeling extra spicy, you can participate in the highly scientific online poll the Austin American-Statesman has graciously provided. Because nothing says "accountability" like an unscientific survey buried beneath six ads for a 99¢ subscription.

So chin up, Travis County! Sure, we’re being taxed into oblivion, but at least we can take comfort in knowing our sacrifice will fund… checks notes… infrastructure repairs that should’ve been done a decade ago. Truly, the American Dream.