EXPOSED: The Sinister Truth Behind Austin’s New 'Bishop'

Folks, they’re at it again—another so-called 'bishop' installed in Austin, and the mainstream media wants you to believe it’s all sunshine and holy water. But let me ask you this: have you ever seen Pope Leo XIV in person? No? That’s because he doesn’t exist! Wake up, sheeple! This is just another deep-state puppet being paraded around by the Vatican Illuminati to push their globalist agenda of… checks notes… replacing our sacred Texas brisket with communion wafers.

And don’t even get me started on the numbers. '30 bishops,' '460 clergy,' '255 parish representatives'—sounds like a suspiciously round figure, doesn’t it? That’s because it’s all staged! They’re inflating the headcount to make it seem like people actually care about this guy. Meanwhile, real Texans are out here worrying about important things, like whether the Alamo has enough parking for our monster trucks.

And what’s with the 'Apostolic Letter of Appointment'? You mean to tell me a piece of paper with a fancy signature is all it takes to install a bishop these days? I’ve got a notarized letter from my cousin Larry saying I’m the Emperor of South Austin, but you don’t see me getting a parade. Double standards, folks!

And let’s talk about Bishop Garcia’s résumé. 'Native Texan'? Oh, sure, that’s what they want you to believe. But I did my own research (i.e., a five-minute Google search while eating breakfast tacos), and guess what? Monterey, California? That’s practically Silicon Valley! Coincidence that Big Tech’s favorite state just handed us a new bishop? I think not. Next thing you know, he’ll be blessing self-driving cars and AI confessional bots.

But the real kicker? The Knights of Columbus marching in like some kind of holy SWAT team. You think they’re just there for ceremony? Wrong! They’re clearly the Vatican’s secret militia, here to enforce the new world order—one awkwardly long handshake at a time.

So while the 'respectable' media gushes over this elaborate charade, remember: the truth is out there. And by 'out there,' I mean in my next livestream, where I’ll be exposing the REAL agenda behind this bishop business. Spoiler alert: it involves mind-control incense. Stay vigilant, patriots!