Evil MoPac App: Paying for the Privilege of Your Own Suffering

Ah, Austin—the city where traffic is so bad, even the toll lanes have existential crises. Enter Evil MoPac, the app that promises to save you money while you sit in gridlock, questioning every life decision that led you to this moment. Because nothing says 'innovation' like paying $1 per minute to shave off 30 seconds of your soul-crushing commute.

Alan Farmer, the genius behind this digital Band-Aid for our infrastructural gunshot wound, claims he was inspired by his own daily pilgrimage from Southwest Austin to the Domain. That’s right, folks. This man endured the MoPac Gauntlet long enough to think, You know what would make this better? An app that tells me whether I’m getting financially violated at a fair market rate. Truly, a hero for our times.

The app’s algorithm is cutting-edge—if by 'cutting-edge' you mean 'refreshes toll data every two minutes while your GPS still thinks you’re on the access road.' It’s like having a financial advisor who’s also a fortune teller, except instead of predicting stock prices, it predicts whether you’ll make it home before your DoorDash order gets cold. Spoiler: You won’t.

And let’s talk about the branding. Partnering with the Evil MoPac social media account? Genius. Nothing says 'trustworthy' like a mascot that openly mocks your suffering. It’s like if the DMV launched an app called Satan’s Waiting Room and expected you to download it willingly. Oh wait—that’s basically what this is.

So, download Evil MoPac today! Because in Austin, the only thing worse than traffic is traffic without a sarcastic app to remind you how much you’re paying for the privilege of sitting in it. Disruption, baby!