Texas Highways Now a No-Rules Trucking Thunderdome Thanks to DPS’ Border Obsession

Folks, I’ve got a scoop so hot it’ll melt the tires right off an 18-wheeler. The Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS) is too busy playing border patrol to actually patrol our highways, and now our roads are turning into a Mad Max sequel. That’s right—while Greg Abbott’s troopers are down south chasing shadows (and probably Bigfoot), truckers are out here playing demolition derby with our school buses. But hey, who needs functioning brakes when you’ve got freedom, am I right?

Let’s break it down. Inspections are down 20% statewide, and in some regions, it’s worse than a vegan at a barbecue cookout. Why? Because DPS is too busy pretending they’re in a Clint Eastwood movie at the border. Meanwhile, trucking companies are cutting corners faster than a NASCAR driver on the final lap. Brakes? Optional. Suspension? Who needs it? Driver’s license? Probably laminated in crayon. But don’t worry, the state’s solution is to ask nicely for more money next year. Because clearly, the problem isn’t priorities—it’s just that we haven’t thrown enough cash at it yet.

And let’s talk about these “inspectors.” There are fewer of them than there are Austinites who still think the city council isn’t run by lizard people. Sergeant Doug Floyd, one of the last remaining enforcers, is out here playing whack-a-mole with trucks that have more violations than a Biden speech. But hey, at least the concrete pump trucks—you know, the ones that killed a preschooler—are finally getting inspected now. Better late than never, I guess. Unless you’re the preschooler.

So here’s the deal: Texas roads are a lawless wasteland, and the only thing growing faster than the number of crashes is the state’s denial. But don’t worry, folks—your government is on it. They’ve got a plan. A request. A strongly worded letter to the Legislature. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here duct-taping a GoPro to my bumper and praying. Wake up, sheeple! The real border crisis is the one happening in your rearview mirror.