Texas Suburbs Flex Their Affluence (Again), Because Of Course They Did

Oh, joy! Another list confirming what we already knew: Texas is absolutely littered with suburbs so wealthy they make Scrooge McDuck look like a struggling artist. And naturally, the residents of these gilded enclaves are thrilled to have their superiority validated by a personal finance website. Because nothing says "I’ve made it" like your ZIP code being ranked higher than your neighbor’s Tesla Model X.

Let’s start with West University Place, coming in at a humble No. 3. This Houston suburb is so exclusive, even the squirrels have trust funds. The streets are paved with gold (or at least the illusion of it, thanks to HOA-mandated landscaping budgets). Here, the biggest scandal isn’t corporate fraud—it’s when someone dares to leave their trash cans out past noon on collection day. The horror!

Then there’s University Park, Dallas’s crown jewel, where the average household income is high enough to make even the most seasoned hedge fund manager blush. The children here don’t just attend private schools—they endow them. And if you’re not driving a car that costs more than a small country’s GDP, you might as well be riding a donkey to the country club.

Southlake, Fort Worth’s pride and joy, snags the No. 7 spot, proving once again that money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy a McMansion with a chandelier in the walk-in closet. The real estate listings here should come with a warning: "May cause severe envy and an existential crisis about your life choices."

And let’s not forget Bellaire and Colleyville, rounding out the list like the overachieving younger siblings who still somehow manage to be insufferable. These suburbs are so affluent, the local grocery stores stock artisanal kale next to the bottled water that’s literally just melted icebergs from Antarctica. Because tap water is for peasants.

In conclusion, if you’re not living in one of these suburbs, don’t worry—you can still enjoy the spectacle from afar. Just remember: Behind every perfectly manicured lawn is a homeowner who’s deeply concerned about property values and whether the new family down the street is really the right fit for the neighborhood. Priorities, people!