Colin Allred’s 2026 Senate Bid: The Sequel Nobody Asked For

Oh, look who’s back! Colin Allred, the man who thought he could out-Texan Ted Cruz, is dusting off his apron and strapping on his political cleats for another round of How to Lose a Senate Race in 10 Months. After getting absolutely flattened by Cruz in 2024—by a margin so wide you could fit the entire state’s supply of Whataburger wrappers in it—Allred has decided that what Texas really needs is another helping of his inspiring brand of moderate Democrat who loses by single digits.

This time, he’s pulling out all the stops. Waiting tables at a Tex-Mex joint? Genius. Nothing says I understand the working class like awkwardly refilling chips while wearing a navy apron that probably still has the price tag on it. And let’s not forget his heartfelt backstory—growing up poor, never knowing his alcoholic dad, and finally buying his childhood home with NFL money. Because, as we all know, the real American Dream is having a son who gets concussed for a living so you can afford a mortgage.

But here’s the kicker: Allred thinks this is the year Texas will suddenly wake up and realize they actually wanted a Democrat all along. Never mind that the last time a Democrat won statewide, Titanic was still in theaters. Never mind that his new opponent, James Talarico, is basically the TikTok version of a politician—young, photogenic, and way better at pretending to care about the issues than Allred ever was. No, Allred is banking on the idea that Texans are suffering from buyer’s remorse after voting for Republicans. Because nothing says regret like watching inflation rise, jobs disappear, and the cost of living skyrocket—exactly like the GOP promised! Oh wait…

And let’s talk about his big idea: ending polarization. Yes, the man who lost by nearly nine points in a state that hasn’t elected a Democrat in three decades thinks he’s the guy to bring everyone together. Spoiler alert: the only thing uniting Texans right now is their shared confusion over why Allred keeps running for office.

So buckle up, folks. The 2026 Senate race is shaping up to be another epic showdown between a Republican who Texans actually like and a Democrat who thinks this time will be different. Place your bets now—will Allred lose by single digits this time, or will he finally break the double-digit barrier? Either way, at least he’ll have that apron to cry into.