BREAKING: Sheriff Proves You Can’t Spell 'Law Enforcement' Without 'Wine'

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Lee County Sheriff Garrett Christian Durrenberger was arrested for driving while intoxicated—proving once again that the only thing more reliable than a Texas sheriff is a Texas sheriff making terrible decisions.

According to 'official' reports (which we all know are just deep state propaganda), Durrenberger was pulled over by the Texas Department of Public Safety—an agency so trustworthy, they probably have a secret bunker full of confiscated Whataburger. The sheriff was booked into the Lee County Jail at 6:52 a.m., but don’t worry, folks, he was out before breakfast. Because nothing says 'justice' like a two-hour timeout for the guy who’s supposed to enforce the law.

The Lee County Sheriff’s Office was quick to reassure the public that they remain 'fully operational,' which, translated from bureaucrat, means they’ll continue writing speeding tickets and ignoring actual crime just like always. Meanwhile, Durrenberger’s rise to power reads like a bad country song: lost an election, got appointed anyway, then ran unopposed because, let’s face it, who else wants that job?

But here’s the real question: Why was the DPS even pulling people over at that hour? Were they out of donuts? Or is this just another example of the shadow government targeting conservative law enforcement to push their radical 'sober driving' agenda? Wake up, sheeple! Next thing you know, they’ll be coming for our tailgating and our right to ignore turn signals.

In the meantime, Lee County residents can rest easy knowing their sheriff is back on the job—presumably with a killer hangover and a newfound appreciation for Uber.