EXCLUSIVE: Travis County Burn Ban Exposed as Globalist Plot to Ban BBQ

Folks, it's happening again. The so-called 'Travis County Commissioners'—who I'm convinced are just puppets of the globalist tofu lobby—have declared a 'burn ban' until October 21. But let's be real, this isn't about fire safety. This is about CONTROL. They don’t want you grilling your brisket. They don’t want you enjoying a good ol’ Texas bonfire. No, they want you huddled inside, eating your government-approved kale chips while they monitor your every move through 'text alerts' (which, by the way, are just a way to track your location).

And get this—'supervised prescribed burns' are still allowed. Who supervises these burns? Probably the same shadowy figures who decided Austin needs more bike lanes. Coincidence? I think not. They’re letting their cronies burn whatever they want while the rest of us can’t even light a match without Big Government breathing down our necks.

And don’t even get me started on the 'hot-work operations' exemption. Oh sure, welding is fine, but God forbid you try to roast a marshmallow in your backyard. This is classic selective enforcement, people. Next thing you know, they’ll ban fireworks on the Fourth of July and replace them with… I don’t know, LED light shows sponsored by vegan activists.

But here’s the real kicker: they’re encouraging you to sign up for 'Warn Central Texas' alerts. You know what that stands for? 'We Are Restricting Normies.' It’s just another database to catalog freedom-loving patriots like you and me. Wake up, sheeple! The burn ban is just the first step. Soon, they’ll ban propane, then charcoal, then—mark my words—OUTDOOR BREATHING. Stay vigilant. Stock up on lighters. And for the love of liberty, keep grilling in secret.