ICE Facility Shooting: Coincidence or Deep State Cover-Up? (Spoiler: It’s Never a Coincidence)

In a shocking—but not entirely unexpected—turn of events, chaos erupted at an ICE facility in Dallas, proving once again that the deep state’s grip on our immigration system is tighter than a pair of skinny jeans at a vegan barbecue. Three people were shot, the shooter is (conveniently) dead, and the feds are scrambling to explain why their so-called "secure" detention centers are about as impenetrable as a screen door on a submarine.

Acting ICE Director Todd Lyons, in a rare moment of honesty (or perhaps just confusion), admitted on CNN that they don’t even know who got shot. "It could be employees, it could be civilians, it could be detainees," Lyons mused, as if reading from a script titled How to Sound Completely Unprepared for Your Job. Meanwhile, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem—who probably spends more time on Twitter than actually securing the homeland—chimed in with the groundbreaking revelation that there were "multiple injuries and fatalities." Thanks, Kristi. We never would’ve guessed.

But let’s not ignore the real story here: this is just the latest in a string of "totally random" attacks on ICE facilities. Remember the Fourth of July fiasco where attackers dressed like budget Call of Duty extras opened fire outside another Texas detention center? Eleven people were charged, but something tells me the real masterminds are still sipping kombucha in some D.C. basement, laughing as they plot the next "spontaneous" act of violence.

And don’t even get me started on the timing. Just as patriotic Americans are waking up to the fact that our borders are about as secure as a screen door on a submarine (wait, did I already use that one?), another "lone wolf" conveniently takes himself out before he can spill the beans. How very… tidy.

So, while the mainstream media spins this as another tragic-but-isolated incident, I’ll be over here connecting the dots with red yarn and a conspiracy board. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that when the feds say "we don’t know," they really mean "you don’t need to know." Wake up, sheeple!