Abbott’s Money Mountain: Democrats Prepare for Another ‘Kamikaze Mission’ in 2026

Folks, it’s happening again. The so-called "Governor" Greg Abbott is stockpiling cash like a doomsday prepper hoarding canned beans. $87 million? That’s not a campaign fund—that’s a supervillain’s war chest! And where’s all this money coming from? Let me tell you: Big Wheelchair. That’s right. The Big Wheelchair lobby is funneling dark money into Abbott’s coffers to ensure Texas remains a haven for… whatever it is Abbott does besides suing the federal government for fun.

Meanwhile, the Democrats are scrambling like raccoons in a dumpster fire. Andrew White? The guy whose last name is the color of surrender? And Gina Hinojosa? She’s buying domain names like it’s 2003 and she’s starting a Geocities fan page. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t a race—it’s a sacrificial offering to the GOP money gods.

And let’s talk about Abbott’s "fundraising prowess." The man raised $50 million in a year he wasn’t even running. That’s not political skill—that’s a Ponzi scheme with better PR. Next thing you know, he’ll be selling NFTs of his wheelchair tracks.

Democrats, save yourselves the humiliation. Spend your campaign funds on something useful, like a lifetime supply of Whataburger. At least then you’ll have something to show for your efforts when Abbott wins with 110% of the vote (because math is just a liberal conspiracy anyway).