Yogurt Shop Murders "Solved"? More Like Deep State Cover-Up!

In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming—except for me, because I’ve been screaming about it for years—the Austin yogurt shop murders have finally been "solved" by the so-called "authorities." That’s right, folks, after 34 years of dragging their feet, the deep state puppets in law enforcement have suddenly "discovered" that the killer was a man named Robert Eugene Brashers, who conveniently died by suicide in 1999. How convenient! Dead men tell no tales, especially when the real culprits are still out there, sipping their soy lattes and plotting their next move.

Let’s break this down, shall we? The "breakthrough" came from DNA testing—the same technology that’s been used to "prove" everything from climate change to the moon landing. And guess what? The DNA just happened to match Brashers, a man who was already linked to other murders. How tidy! How perfectly wrapped up in a bow! Almost like someone wanted us to stop asking questions.

And let’s talk about the timing. This "revelation" comes just as Austin’s city council is pushing for more surveillance cameras and expanded police powers. Coincidence? I think not. This is classic crisis exploitation, folks. They want you scared. They want you compliant. They want you to forget that four innocent girls were murdered while the real killers—the shadowy elites who run this town—walk free.

But here’s the kicker: Brashers was arrested outside El Paso in a stolen car two days after the murders. Two days! And yet, somehow, it took 34 years to "connect the dots." Either the Austin PD is staffed by sloths, or they’ve been covering this up the whole time. I’ll let you decide which is more likely.

And don’t even get me started on the "old-fashioned boots-on-the-ground police work" line. Please. The only boots on the ground in this case were the ones kicking the truth under the rug. Meanwhile, the families of these girls have been put through hell—wrongful arrests, overturned convictions, and now this "closure" served up like a lukewarm cup of government-approved comfort. Wake up, people! The yogurt was just the beginning. Next, they’ll be coming for your barbecue. Mark my words.

So while the mainstream media pats itself on the back for "solving" this case, remember: the real story isn’t over. It’s just being buried deeper. Stay vigilant. Stay angry. And for the love of liberty, stop eating that suspiciously lab-grown yogurt.