Austin’s Latest Guilt Trip: Pay More Taxes or You’re a Monster

Oh, joy! Another day, another coalition of do-gooders gathering under the shade of oak trees to demand more of our hard-earned money. This time, it’s the Care Not Cuts brigade, a merry band of unions, first responders, and—wait for it—community leaders (whatever that means). Their mission? To guilt-trip Austin voters into approving a 20% property tax hike because, apparently, we aren’t paying enough for the privilege of living in a city where traffic moves slower than a DMV line.

Brydan Summers, president of some union with a name longer than a CVS receipt, stood proudly among his fellow tax-hike enthusiasts, declaring this a labor issue. Translation: We want your money, and we’ll frame it as ‘dignity for workers’ so you feel bad saying no. Brilliant strategy, really. Nothing says dignity like shaking down homeowners to fund yet another city program that’ll probably end up as mismanaged as Austin’s public transit system.

Then there’s Waltermae Grady, a grassroots leader (read: professional protester) who’s been homeless for six years. She delivered a heartfelt plea for housing and essential services, which, sure, sounds noble—until you remember that Austin already spends millions on homelessness, and the only thing growing faster than the homeless population is the number of consultants hired to study the problem. But hey, what’s another $110 million down the bureaucratic drain?

Of course, the opposition—led by the Save Austin PAC—had the audacity to suggest that raising taxes doesn’t improve affordability. How dare they! Don’t they know that the solution to every problem is more money, more programs, and more government? Efficiency? Accountability? Pfft. That’s just right-wing propaganda.

So, Austinites, prepare yourselves. The Care Not Cuts crew will be knocking on your doors soon, armed with clipboards and guilt trips. And if you dare say no, just remember: You’re not just a heartless miser—you’re denying dignity to workers. The horror.