Texas Democrats’ ‘Working-Class’ Rebrand: Too Little, Too Late, Too Fake

Texas Democrats’ Desperate Attempt to Reconnect with ‘Real People’ Falls Flat

In a stunning display of self-awareness, Texas Democrats have suddenly realized they’ve spent the last two decades alienating the very people they claim to represent—working-class voters. Shocking, I know. But fear not, dear readers, because they’ve hatched a brilliant plan: pretending to care.

State Rep. James Talarico, a man who probably hasn’t set foot in a Waffle House since his last campaign photo-op, boldly declared that Democrats are the party of the "little guy." This, of course, comes as news to the little guys who’ve been watching Democrats prioritize pronouns over paychecks. But hey, at least he name-dropped FDR and LBJ—two dead presidents who probably wouldn’t recognize today’s Democratic Party if it slapped them with a carbon tax.

Meanwhile, Colin Allred, the former NFL player turned politician, is banking on his "I was raised by a single mom" backstory to prove he’s just like you. Never mind that most working-class Texans don’t have the luxury of pivoting from professional sports to Congress. But sure, Colin, tell us more about how you totally understand the struggle of choosing between rent and groceries.

Then there’s Terry Virts, the astronaut who thinks being a "John Glenn Democrat" will magically win over blue-collar voters. Newsflash, Terry: John Glenn orbited the Earth in the 1960s. The only thing orbiting Texas Democrats these days is irrelevance.

Andrew White, the son of a former governor, tried to play the "I’m a businessman" card, which is hilarious because nothing says ‘man of the people’ like inheriting political connections and starting companies. His big idea? Telling Democrats to stop demonizing oil and gas—the industries that actually employ Texans. Groundbreaking.

The real comedy gold, though, came from Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear, who advised Democrats to "talk like normal human beings." Revolutionary! Who knew that instead of lecturing voters about ‘food insecurity,’ they could just say ‘people are hungry’? Mind. Blown.

So here we are, folks. Texas Democrats are scrambling to rebrand as the party of the working class, a group they’ve ignored for so long they’ve forgotten what a hard hat looks like. Will it work? Probably not. But hey, at least they’re finally admitting they have a problem—even if their solution is just to wear more flannel and hope nobody notices.