Austin’s Skyline: A Love Letter to Corporate Greed and the Death of Weird

Ah, yes, the ever-evolving Austin skyline—now with 100% more corporate phallic symbols piercing the heavens! Nothing says "Keep Austin Weird" like a skyline that looks like a billionaire’s game of Jenga gone horribly wrong. Remember 2005? When the Frost Bank Tower was the tallest thing around, and we all collectively choked on dust while Oasis mumbled through "Wonderwall" for the 800th time? Simpler times. Back then, you could still see the skyline from Zilker Park without needing a telescope and a corporate sponsorship.\n\nFast forward to today, where the skyline is basically a middle finger to anyone who remembers when Austin was more than just a tech bro’s playground. The "Jenga tower" (because nothing says "affordable housing" like a building designed to look like it’s about to collapse) is now dwarfed by a 66-story monstrosity that probably houses exactly zero musicians or artists, because let’s be real—they’ve all been priced out to Pflugerville. And don’t even get me started on the Waterline, the 1,022-foot-tall monument to gentrification that’s basically just a giant billboard for the death of Austin’s soul.\n\nBut hey, at least we’ve got sprinklers now! Because nothing says "progress" like replacing dust clouds with misty corporate-approved hydration while you fork over $500 for a festival wristband that used to cost less than a week’s rent. Oh, and speaking of rent—remember when you could actually afford to live here? Yeah, me neither.\n\nSo here’s to the skyline, folks. May it grow ever taller, ever shinier, and ever more disconnected from the city it supposedly represents. And if you need me, I’ll be in the pit at a DIY show, screaming into the void while some developer buys the venue out from under us. Keep Austin weird? More like keep Austin unrecognizable.