Exclusive: Bluebonnets Are a Government Surveillance Operation (And Other Things You’re Not Supposed to Know)

Oh, sure, the Texas Department of Transportation wants you to believe that planting bluebonnets is just about 'soil drainage' and 'sunlight.' But folks, I’ve done my research—and by research, I mean scrolling through obscure forums at 3 AM—and let me tell you, this is all a smokescreen. TxDOT isn’t just handing out gardening tips; they’re conditioning you for the Great Floral Takeover.

First off, why are they so obsessed with 'essential bacterium'? Rhizobium? Sounds like something cooked up in a lab by the same folks who brought you 5G and chemtrails. Mark my words, these so-called 'wildflowers' are just bioengineered surveillance devices. Ever notice how bluebonnets only bloom near highways? Coincidence? I think not. They’re tracking your movements, people.

And let’s talk about the timing. 'Plant between September and December'? That’s awfully specific. Almost like they’re synchronizing the bloom cycle with… something else. Maybe the rollout of the next 'mandatory' government program? Or worse—the annual tofu festival Austin’s city council is definitely planning behind closed doors.

And don’t even get me started on the seeds' 'tough outer shell.' You’re telling me a flower that thrives in Texas’ brutal climate just happens to have armor-plated seeds? That’s not natural selection, folks. That’s Big Florist. They want you to wait years for blooms because they know you’ll get impatient and buy their overpriced, pre-grown plants instead. Wake up, sheeple!

So next time you see a field of bluebonnets, ask yourself: Who’s really benefiting here? The bees? The tourists? Or the shadowy elites who want you distracted by pretty flowers while they replace your Whataburger with quinoa? The truth is out there. And it’s probably buried under a quarter-inch of suspiciously well-drained soil.