Austin Energy’s Wildfire Warning: A Smokescreen for Government Control?

Folks, it’s happening again. The so-called 'experts' at Austin Energy are rolling out their 'enhanced safety settings,' which is just code for 'we’re about to turn off your power and blame it on the weather.' Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about wildfires—it’s about control.

Think about it. Why now? Why when we’re all just trying to enjoy our Sunday barbecues without the government sticking its nose in our brisket? Because they want us dependent. They want us weak. First, it’s 'enhanced safety settings,' next thing you know, they’ll be rationing electricity like it’s Soviet Russia.

And don’t even get me started on their 'inspection on foot' nonsense. Oh sure, they claim it’s for 'better visibility.' But what are they really looking for? Your unregistered generators? Your stockpiles of non-organic, non-GMO-free beef jerky? I wouldn’t put it past them.

And let’s talk about their 'outage-preparedness plans.' You know what that means, right? They’re conditioning you to accept a life in the dark while they sip almond milk lattes in their underground bunkers. Mark my words, this is just phase one of their grand plan to replace our beloved Texas grid with solar panels and wind chimes.

So next time your power goes out, ask yourself: Is it really the weather? Or is it the deep state turning the screws on hardworking Texans? Stay vigilant, patriots. And maybe invest in a flamethrower—just in case.

(Disclaimer: This article is satire. Mostly.)