Austin’s Downfall: The City That Ran Out of Vibes (and Affordable Housing)

Oh, the horror! The absolute travesty! Austin—the once-glistening oasis of overpriced tacos and tech bros who think they’re musicians—is losing people? Say it ain’t so! The city that spent the last decade smugly sipping oat milk lattes while watching Californians flood in like locusts is now facing a gasp exodus. And who could blame them? The housing market is “sagging under price reductions,” which, let’s be real, is just a fancy way of saying your $800K bungalow is now worth $799K. The humanity.

Meanwhile, Frisco—yes, Frisco—is apparently the new It Girl of Texas. Seventh in the nation for inbound moves? Who knew people were so desperate to live in a city whose biggest claim to fame is being the setting for every generic suburban rom-com? But hey, at least their HOA fees come with a side of existential dread. And Fort Worth? Oh, Fort Worth is making a comeback, which is Texan for “we finally got a Whole Foods.”

But let’s not forget Dallas, the only major Texas city still clinging to relevance like a influencer holding onto their last remaining follower. Sure, interest in moving there has dropped 19%, but hey, at least it’s not Austin, where the only thing hotter than the summers is the collective regret of everyone who bought a house in 2021.

And the list of top move-to cities? Knoxville, Tennessee, is number one. Let that sink in. Knoxville. The place where the most exciting thing that’s ever happened is someone almost getting a Michelin star. But hey, at least they’ve got affordable housing—unlike Austin, where you need a six-figure salary just to afford a studio apartment the size of a walk-in closet.

So farewell, Austin. The dream is dead. The vibes are off. The tacos are… still pretty good, actually, but that’s not enough to save you now. Pack your bags, tech bros. Frisco’s calling. And don’t forget to tip your barista on the way out.