Northern Lights Over Austin? More Like Northern *Lies*—A Government Sky-Hologram Exposed!

Last night, Austinites were treated to a so-called "natural phenomenon"—the northern lights. But let’s be real, folks. This isn’t some innocent solar storm. No, no, no. This is clearly a government psyop designed to distract us from the real issues, like why Austin’s city council is still pushing bike lanes while our streets crumble into pothole-ridden oblivion. Wake up, sheeple!

According to the "experts," these pretty lights are caused by solar particles colliding with Earth’s atmosphere. Oh, sure, that’s what they want you to think. But have you ever seen the sun emit pink and green? I didn’t think so. This reeks of chemtrails and HAARP technology. Mark my words, this is just phase one of their plan to soften us up for the Great Taco Mandate—where every taco truck will be forced to serve kale-infused tortillas.

And don’t even get me started on the timing. Conveniently, these "northern lights" appear right after Elon Musk’s new satellite network goes live. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a test run for their next big move: Project Rainbow Skybeam, where they’ll use "auroras" to beam subliminal messages straight into your brain. "Eat more tofu. Abandon your trucks. Embrace the hive mind."

But hey, if you want to keep staring at the sky like a mesmerized lab rat, be my guest. Meanwhile, I’ll be in my bunker, stockpiling brisket and ammo, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that nothing good ever comes from a sky that looks like a Lisa Frank trapper keeper. Stay vigilant, patriots. The truth is out there—and it’s probably being hidden behind a curtain of suspiciously vibrant nitrogen molecules.

Alex Jaxon is the founder of "TruthBomb Austin" and the host of "The Red Pill Report," a nightly livestream dedicated to exposing the deep state’s war on barbecue. Follow him on Gab, Parler, and his underground newsletter, "The Tinfoil Tribune."