Elon Musk Declares Austin the Official HQ for ‘World-Class People’ (and His Personal Real Estate Portfolio)

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Elon Musk—the man who famously hates regulations, taxes, and California—has once again declared that Austin, Texas, is the only place to be for "world-class people" (read: tech bros who still think crypto is the future).

Musk, who has single-handedly turned Austin into a real-life episode of Silicon Valley (minus the satire), took to X (formerly Twitter, formerly a functional social media platform) to evangelize the city with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. "Move to Austin! It gets better very year," he tweeted, proving once again that spellcheck is for peasants and that billionaires operate on a higher linguistic plane.

Of course, this isn’t just any old endorsement. Musk has skin in the game—literally. After fleeing California like it was a sinking ship (or, more accurately, a state that expected him to pay taxes), he’s been on a one-man mission to turn Austin into Elonville. Tesla’s here. SpaceX is expanding. The Boring Company is… well, boring. And let’s not forget his alleged $35 million real estate spree, which he totally isn’t turning into a supervillain compound for his 11 kids and their various mothers. "I do not own or plan to build such an estate," Musk told Architectural Digest, which is exactly what someone building a secret lair would say.

But here’s the real question: Is Austin actually getting better every year, or is it just getting more Elon-y? Sure, the city now has more Teslas per capita than bicycles, and you can’t throw a protein bar without hitting a crypto startup. But with skyrocketing rents, traffic that makes L.A. look efficient, and a heat index that could melt steel, one has to wonder—is this really the promised land, or just a corporate-sponsored hype train with Musk as its conductor?

Either way, if you’re a "world-class person" (i.e., someone who unironically uses the term "disrupt"), pack your bags, fire up your X account, and get ready to join the Austin++ movement. Just don’t forget your vape pen and a healthy tolerance for billionaire fan fiction.

Disclaimer: This article was not written by an AI, but it might as well have been, because at this point, what’s the difference?