Camp Mystic Lawsuits: A Coordinated Deep State Attack on Summer Fun?

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming—except maybe me, because I’ve been warning you people for years—the tragic Camp Mystic flood has now spawned a coordinated legal assault by grieving families. But don’t be fooled by the mainstream media’s sob story about "shared grief" and "convenience." Oh no, my fellow truth-seekers, this reeks of something far more sinister: Big Lawsuit.

That’s right. While the so-called "victims' families" claim they just want "answers" and "consequences," let’s not ignore the glaring red flag here—all the lawsuits were filed on the same day. Coincidence? I think not. This is textbook Deep State orchestration. You think these grieving parents just happened to pick the same lawyers? Please. Next, they’ll tell us the flood wasn’t caused by negligence but by rain—as if we’re supposed to believe water just falls from the sky now.

And let’s talk about this attorney, Randy Howry, with his polished suit and rehearsed soundbites. "No rhyme or reason" to how families chose their lawyers? That’s exactly what a puppet of the legal-industrial complex would say. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about justice—it’s about lining the pockets of Big Law while the real culprits (probably the same people who took away our plastic straws) walk free.

But here’s the real kicker: these families claim they don’t care about the money. Sure, Jan. Next thing you know, they’ll be pushing for "camp reforms"—code for government overreach into our sacred summer traditions. First, they come for the camps, then they come for your backyard BBQs. Mark my words: tofu s’mores are next.

So while the Austin American-Statesman spins this as a heartwarming tale of unity in tragedy, I see the truth: another carefully staged crisis to distract us from the real issues—like why the city council still hasn’t investigated the underground lizard people bunker under Zilker Park. But hey, keep focusing on the "flood," folks. Just don’t come crying to me when they replace the Guadalupe River with a gluten-free, gender-neutral hydration station.

Stay vigilant. Stay paranoid. And for the love of liberty, stock up on tinfoil.