**Silver Alert or Senior Adventure? The Mysterious Case of Robert 'Where’s My Metamucil?' Weichsel**

In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the quiet, gated enclave of Lakeway, a 92-year-old man has gone rogue—vanishing into the wilds of Ranch Road 620 like some kind of elderly Houdini. Robert Weichsel, a man who presumably has better things to do at his age than play hide-and-seek with law enforcement, was last seen wearing what can only be described as the unofficial uniform of retired golf enthusiasts everywhere: a blue polo, khakis, and loafers (presumably freshly polished).

Authorities are baffled. How does a man with stitches in his head just wander off? Did no one think to check if the man who recently had brain surgery was fit to roam unsupervised? Or was he simply tired of being told to 'sit down, Robert' at family gatherings and decided to make a break for it?

His vehicle—a 2014 Honda Crosstour (because nothing says 'I’ve lived a full life' like driving a car that’s practically vintage)—is also missing, leading to speculation that Weichsel may be attempting a Thelma & Louise-style escape, albeit at a cautious 35 mph with frequent stops for prune juice.

Meanwhile, Lakeway Police Chief Todd Radford has taken this opportunity to remind the public about bullying prevention strategies, because nothing says 'missing elderly man' like an impromptu PSA on schoolyard ethics. Priorities, people!

If spotted, authorities urge citizens not to approach Weichsel, as he may be disoriented—or, more likely, extremely annoyed by all the fuss. Instead, call 911 immediately and report his location, preferably before he finishes his early bird dinner special and slips back into the shadows, never to be seen again until next week’s bingo night.